Allow me to begin by thanking you for your many blessings. Truly, I have been blessed in so many ways, in so many areas of life, and far too many times to count. Just this morning, I received a phone call that brought joyous news of unexpected blessing; something that I had expected to bring about a bad report instead brought a positive report. So, once again, thank you for that particular blessing.
But, as quickly as the good report arrived…two bad reports followed. One report came just as I had expected, and another bad report came that caught me by surprise. Boom! Bam! Smack down! Slap in the face! Take that! And I found myself moving from a state of elation and gratitude for a blessing received, to a state of frustrated “what now?” questioning.
Obviously frustrated with the bad news, I find myself also upset with myself. Upset because I can’t seem to find a sense of consistency that I think you are wanting from me. Upset because, once again, I’m wrestling with not being able to just accept with calm assurance that you are working everything for good in my life.
I’m reminded of how Your disciples went from “great blessing” to “little faith” in just a short time. They observed the miracle of You feeding 5,000 people with very few resources. They helped distribute the blessing. They collected the leftovers when it was over. They saw with their eyes Your miraculous intervention in the lives of those people.
Then…in a boat…with the wind against them…they gave into terror, and doubt, and inaccurate declarations about their circumstances. And that inconsistency drew a much deserved rebuke from you.
Sadly, I’ve been there many times myself. Up one minute…down the next. Filled with thanksgiving…only to see it replaced with ingratitude because I didn’t get what I wanted, or it didn’t come the way I though it should. INCONSISTENCY!!!
I really DO trust you. I really DO believe that all things are working out for blessing in my life. I really DO realize that everything the enemy has meant for evil, you have meant for good. I really do…
So, Lord, I’m asking for two things. (1) Forgive my inconsistency. I NEED forgiveness. This is obviously a flaw that I have. And, I just don’t think I can correct the flaw unless you help me. And I KNOW that You will. (2) Help me to be more level headed. Help me to capture every vain imagination of the mind. Help me to connect the dots and arrive at a mature faith. I want that. I REALLY do. And I KNOW that it is Your will for me.