I’ve been thinking about my mom lately. I have such mixed emotions about her situation. She has been afflicted by Alzheimer’s Disease for the past several years. The family has watched as mom has slowly faded away into a world of unknowns. She was such a vibrant person when she was younger. She had such a drive to succeed. Whether it was pursuing a nursing degree, or serving her local church as the pastor’s wife. She was never one to sit around and indulge in idle time. She was productive… and positive.
She loyally served my father. And when his health began to fail, she stayed true to her promise to love him in sickness or in health. The Alzheimer’s would not allow her to do everything right… Countless times she would make a trip to retrieve his Polygrip only to forget what she was going after. Many times she would bring him the hairbrush, or toothbrush… whatever she could get her hands on… just trying to be helpful. Just loving her husband in whatever way she could. And then he died…
At first, she didn’t really understand why he was gone. Occasionally, I would find her looking for him… or holding an item that belonged to him… as if she was waiting for him to come into the room so she could give it to him. As she began to understand that dad was gone, she started talking about him in the past tense. She would take out his picture to show me her husband… and how that he was now in Heaven. Then came the stroke…
Just a few weeks after dad’s death, she suffered a debilitating stroke that left her unable to communicate. Her voice is gone. She has no words… This woman of God who had encouraged so many with words of wisdom could no longer speak. This morning at breakfast I told her I loved her… I could see in her eyes that she wanted to respond with an “I love you too.” But, without the ability to speak, the best she could do was to point to me and Donna and “grunt” her response to us.
I’ve been praying and asking God to restore her ability to speak. I believe He can do it.
The other night, I had a dream. I dreamed that God healed my mother and restored her ability to speak. In the dream, she came hurriedly into the room where I was sitting and said,
“I’ve been looking forward to this day… I have so much I’ve been wanting to tell you.”
In the dream, we sat and talked for a long time. I listened as she told me all the thoughts that had been going through her mind as she sat in silence… wishing that the words would come out. She told me how proud she was of me and Donna and the kids… she thanked us for taking care of her… She wanted me to know that even in the silence she was praying for us. She told me how much she missed dad… and how she longed for the day when they would be reunited in Heaven. She was right… She had so much to tell me.
It’s almost Mother’s Day… There’s never been a better mother than Bea Baker. I miss her. Although she is with me every day… she is gone.
But, I had a dream… One day, my mother will be restored! It may not happen here… But, one day… She will have a new body… A new mind… Until that day becomes reality, I will hold on to the hope that came with the dream. And I will, in reality hear her say… “I have so much I’ve been wanting to tell you.”
3 Replies to “I Had A Dream…”
Beautiful! Absolutely beautiful!
Rob, thank you for sharing your dream it will forever touch my heart. I thank the Lord daily that mom and dad have been with you and Donna. You were called for this purpose “to serve”….dad and the Lord saw this in you. You and Donna have come to understand mom’s grunts of communication and I am so appreciative of all the sacrifices you and your family have made in service to our parents. Great shall be your reward. I am so thankful that the Lord looks upon the heart and yes even in silence He hears mother as she mentions each childs name in prayer. And when her memory fails her….He knows and she doesn’t have to. I find comfort in knowing that even when our life is overwhelmed & been devastated by life’s circumstances the Holy Spirit still abides within our heart to speak comfort, peace, joy & love. I love you my precious brother. Give mom a kiss for me. And Happy Mother’s Day to Mom, Donna, Elizabeth and Eyrn.
This is very touching. I believe we serve such an awesome God who found a way to express to you the sentiments of your Mom’s heart, while you wait. Keep believing! – God Bless You!