Jesus, You’re Killing Me!


I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20 ESV)

I’m convinced that Jesus is trying to kill me. Oh, I know that He came so that I might have abundant life. But, I’m learning that in order to have abundant life…I must die first. And, apparently, there are quite a few things that need to be exterminated from my inner man.

The last several weeks has been a series of lessons in, “I’m God…you’re not…and you will not get to call the shots all the time. So, trust me that I have your best interest at heart. And, it is in your best interest that I kill you.”

Sometimes the message comes SCREAMING into our lives…”You have diabetes…you have mold in your house…termites, too…your engine is locked up and will have to be replaced…” I mean, these are the kind of reports that just knock the breath out of you. And, these are the kinds of things that we care very deeply about. Health…finance…etc. At least, I do. And, sometimes the message filters into our lives through little insignificant irritants that catch us by surprise. Jesus is trying to kill me…

Like today…I decided to take the vehicle to get it cleaned up. The place I normally go to was closed for remodeling, so I took it to another place that had been recommended. I pulled in…was greeted by a very nice young lady who asked what type of cleaning I would like to purchase. “The works,” I replied. She answered, “Excellent choice! You do know that it will cost $2 extra because it’s an SUV? “Yes ma’am! And that will be fine.”

A few minutes later I was notified that my vehicle was finished. As I walked past the back of the vehicle, I noticed that it had not been vacuumed. I mentioned it to the attendant and was told that they do not vacuum the back area of SUV’s. When I pointed out that they had charged me $2 extra because it was an SUV the attendant replied, “It’s because it’s bigger.” “That’s the point of the $2, isn’t it?” I asked. “No.” He replied, refusing to invest the additional 45 seconds it would have taken him to do the job.

I drove off only to return to speak with the manager. When the manager arrived, it was the same young man that I had talked with earlier. Rather than asking more questions, or reviewing their policies, I simply told him that due to the fact that he would not invest another 45 seconds to vacuum the back of my SUV, I would be forced to never do business with them again. He didn’t seem to mind.

I drove down the street to a self-serve car wash, took out some quarters, and vacuumed the back of the vehicle. I found myself rehearsing the incident in my mind and becoming more and more agitated. As I did so, I heard the voice of the Holy Spirit ask me, “Why is it so important for you to always be in control? Why can’t you just trust me?” He continued, “I healed the diabetes…there is no trace of mold in your house…I decided to let you keep the termites (but provided you with the necessary resources to pay the exterminator who needs the money to take care of his family)…and, the car situation is still in process.”

“You’re killing me Jesus,” I mumbled under my breath. “Yes, I am.” He replied. “But it is for your own good. Don’t you see that I want you to become like me? And the only way that is possible is for you to die daily to your natural man.”

Yes, Lord. I see it. I understand the reason for it. And, I submit myself to the continual process of dying to myself so that I can be like you.

So, kill me Jesus…

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