I don’t remember it, but my mother tells the story of how that when I was a baby, she would rock me (she used really big rocks!) to sleep while singing an old song of the church call “Watching You.” She said I sang it something like this…”Autchy ooohh, owdy aaww, ders n aww seein’ eye autchy ooohh…Enough already! It hurts my ears just thinking about it. I don’t even know how the song really goes. But, I’m sure I was very cute singing it! HA!
As I thought about this today, I was reminded of how much I hate the idea of an angry God, sitting in Heaven, waiting for me to mess up so that He can electrify my britches with lightning bolts!
I grew up in a very conservative and legalistic church. So much so, that I thought there was no way that I could ever be good enough to please God…much less make it to Heaven. There have been times in my life when I spent the whole day repenting because of fear that I had made God angry.
Grace…has always been a foreign idea to me. I was never taught much about grace in my early years in church. As a result, I struggle now with the idea that God loves me so much that He would rejoice over me…even in my weaknesses.
I have been thinking a lot lately about the law of God. The principles that He has established as a means to lead us to Him. Guidelines that are meant to liberate us…not enslave us. I’m reminded that, as New Testament Christians, we are not held to the strict performance of the law…we are set free from the law because of grace. Actually, the laws of God are to be so engrained in our spirit, that we freely obey them because of our love for God. In other words, our actions naturally reflect what God would have us do. Not to say that we can do anything we want…obviously, God has established absolute no-no’s for us to abide by. But, there are also other grey areas that are open to interpretation.
This is where I struggle. In my determination to do otherwise, I have found myself being as hard-hearted (at times) as some of those blessed old saints of the early church. I just can’t bring myself to open the door to some of the “new ideas” of the younger generation that I work and live with. I find myself being judgmental about things that I cannot find scriptural prohibition for. I have “called” myself to straighten everyone out! To police the whole world for Jesus!!
This is where I am going with this whole train of thought...I have been very hard on people that I love very much. I was blessed to be able to “work out my own salvation in fear and trembling” hundreds of miles away from my parents…just me and God…and a desire to be the man that he intends for me to be. No parents condemning my mistakes…no one watching as I worked through my own ideas of holiness. Just the Holy Spirit nudging, prodding, directing, disciplining, and loving me to higher place in Him.
So…for those who have incurred my wrath…or disappointment…or what ever you may have felt…I’m sorry! I believe in you. I know that, with God’s help you will get where He wants you to be. And I believe that God will take you higher and farther and deeper and wider…because He will lead you by grace…not condemnation!
So…go for it! Follow Him! Let Him be your guide! I will not be the all-seeing eye watching you…except to watch you succeed…and grow in Him…and become the person He has designed you to be as you follow Him through the seasons of life!
So, I close…not with a warning…or an expectation…or a sermon…or an evil eye. I close, by simply saying…GRACE to you! And I really mean it!
Rob, Simply wonderful. Moved me to tears. Our love for each other mixed with His love and GRACE makes all things work together.
Thanks for being so devoted to those you love. Oh, and let me go TO SLEEP FIRST!!!!!
Love to you, today.
Ok. Wow…that’s deep….much deeper than I believe you know. And wise….sounding like both the heart of a father, and one of a shephard….full of love and mercy with truly the heart of the Father above.
On a lighter note….I’m really glad you’re not the Jesus police! And I could have done without that song — you know that I heard it only everytime I went out the door by myself! 🙂 Now I’ll be singing it in my head all day —
Joy
Well, all I can say is that we all had better remember that there is an “all seeing eye” watching us, not to condemn us but to help us make it through.
Your sis
Janice
Dad (and I’m so grateful that I can call you that),
When I first entered your family 6 years ago, I had a very deep need to be accepted by the people whom Jonathan cherished most. I wanted so badly to be a part of his family, yet most of the time I felt like a sore thumb because the dynamic was so very different than the one of the family in which I was raised. Obviously. I didn’t always understand and I didn’t always agree, but over time there are some things which I have learned about my beloved “in-laws” that have planted such of love in me for you and Mom and Eryn that I now know is an unbreakable bond. In these short years we have all weathered through some incredibly trying times…TOGETHER. From you and Mom I have witnessed and experienced more love and grace than any of us truly deserve. Time and again we have each (Jonathan, Eryn and I) infuriated, disappointed, and at times disrespected you both, yet even in your hurt and doubt neither of you has ever deviated from your devotion to your children. I realize how blessed I am to have you both in my life; some gals should only be so lucky. I love you both, and I have no doubt that I am loved by you. It’s been a hard road, but I hope that you can see the result of your love and prayers in our lives. You have set a moral, loving example for each of us to look to and follow. Have you been hard on us? That is a matter of opinion, but what truly matters is that you have LOVED us and you have PRAYED for us. These things are irreplaceable. I feel so unworthy to have been blessed with parents and parents-in-law who have loved me and will continue to love me the way that parents should, without hesitation or condition. That being said, I love you guys…you’re awesome.
PS: How’s that for comment? Eh?
Truly one of the best comments I’ve ever received…Thank you my Daughter!
WOW Liz, do you provide tissues with your comments. I love you too. You are part of the great “Baker” family. Aren’t you proud?
A. Jan
Of course I am proud! I LOVE my Bakers!